Children grieve very differently to adults. Many Kids know something about death but often don’t fully understand it as most of the time its just something they have seen on TV shows. Babies, children and teenagers tend to grieve in bursts, and at other times will look for reassurance and comfort in their normal routines and activities.

The way children respond to death is different from adults, they may go from crying to playing. That’s normal. Playing is a way of coping with their feelings. They often find it difficult to express their feelings you may see signs of:

  • Anger – irritability, and episodic rage
  • Fear and Characteristic rushes of anxiety pangs
  • Confusion
  • Difficulty sleeping and maybe even nightmares.
  • Regressive behaviours
  • Physical complaints – stomachache, headaches
  • Changes in appetite (over eating or lack of interest in food)

To be honest you may recognise some of these signs for yourself as an adult too.

We will notice that our children’s behaviour changes as they may show signs of:

  • Depression and/ or anxiety
  • Drop in grades.
  • Dangerous risk taking
  • Self-destructive behaviours
  • Threatening to hurt self or others
  • Violent play
  • Use of drugs or alcohol
  • Total withdrawal from people and environment
  • A dramatic change in personality or functioning over a long period of tie

Any of the “normal” behaviours happening over a very long time or to an extreme

Its important to help your child express their feelings. There are lots of books on death for kids. Reading books and telling stories or looking for pictures of the person who died can help children express their feelings. It is also healthy for you to express your own sadness let children know its ok to be sad. Its ok to not be ok!

How your child behaves and how you respond depends on their age.  It’s important to communicate in a way the child can understand and using direct language although it might be difficult is much safer and better for the child.  Saying a person “went to sleep” can scare and confuse a child.

As an adult routine might be the last thing your thinking about but for children keep a normal schedule will help them feel secure.  You may be feeling overwhelmed and need some time for yourself to grieve, try to find relatives or friends who can help keep your child’s life as normal as possible.  It is important that you take time out for yourself as well. Remember on an aeroplane we are taught to put our oxygen mask on first!